One small step at a time :)

Took a pretty big step...but I learned that we have to let things go...we have to free ourselves..no matter how hard we want to hang on. We have to be selfish..and start doing things for ourselves.

I decided to take a risk..and do that thing that would allow me to take my first small step forward.

Last night, I had an interesting dream...it had a lot of "characters" (as mara put it).

It started with me walking towards my house...the same route home that I used to walk when I was in middle school. I was about 5 blocks away from home...when I happen to see 2 guys crossing the street..as our path was about to cross...we made eye contact and i decided to walk just a bit faster. I knew one of the 2 people that I came across...but we acted like strangers. (Kind of disappointing to think about it..but in my dream I seemed fine...I'll get there) I keep walking until I was 3 block away from home..where there's a park...at the park laying on the green grass having a picnic and enjoying a sunny day was my cousins...Eva, K Jim, K Pat, A Beauty and her 3 kids who I miss dearly..Neve, Eryn and Jory. So they call me over..and I told them that I'd be back because I had to just go home quickly and change out of my swimsuit..at that point in my dream I realized I was walking around in my swimsuit and shorts...weird. lol

So I start walking home, and I happen to walk by an alley and my 2 dogs are there and they had started to follow me home and for some reason i wanted them to stay there..so I spent a little while trying to get my dog lucky to sit and stay. While this is going on..I heard the stranger and my cousins catching up and saying hello...and I said to myself...I'm glad this stranger didn't snob out my family and I felt happy because I was fine with me being strangers with this person..but not with my family. Finally I got my dog lucky to sit and stay..I look up and at the same time that stranger was walking by the alley with the friend and we made eye contact and went our seperate ways.

Suddenly it was night time..and I was with my DIVAs..we were looking for the closest tim hortons...then we ran into Michelle (Vicente)..and she said "just go into that building and go up the stairs". So we said thanks and headed towards the building and started going up the stairs...but for some reason..the stairs were never ending...we were even joking to each other about not going for a run anymore because we were getting enough exercise just to get to tim hortons....towards the end we were even crawling up the stairs coz we were just so tired and still we werent at tim hortons.....

then...I WOKE UP

So I wake up and I happen to tell Edith about this dream. She says "hmm...never ending stairs...interesting". I never thought to analyze my dream but since she brought it up...we decided we might as well. Since Edith gets really bored at work..she volunteered to look it up.

We came up with...
*strangers - at this point me and a certain someone are now strangers to one another?
*sunny day with the people I love - its what makes me happy
*walking around in a swim suit - being free to express watever i want to express?
*crossing paths - our paths are going to cross one day and when that day comes...I'll be ok..because in my dream I didnt feel pain..therefore..Im feeling optimistic and excited for that day :)
*DIVAs and tim hortons - our comfort place..where we feel safe...

the part about the never ending stairs...Edith looked it up...and here is what she found...

*going UP a flight of stairs - indicates that you are achieving a higher level or understanding, you are making progress into your spiritual, emotional, maternal journey. (we decided to ignore maternal...doesn't apply in this case).
*going DOWN a flight of stairs - signifies that you will face many setbacks in your endeavors.

We don't know why the stairs in my dream was never ending and why we were having such a hard time...and crawling towards the end...but I'm glad that we were going UP. I'm feeling optimistic.

p.s. I finally exercised....first day of cardio kick boxing...I really enjoyed it, although I felt like I was in boot camp....and as Mara said "torture". It felt great to sweat and punch and kick. I actually had a great time. I'm pretty out of shape..so hopefully as we do it more often..we'll find it easier and actually focus on technique and form...coz it was hard enough to simply try and lift my legs up to kick coz I was so tired and out of breath lol. Wish us luck...hopefully we can keep this up :)